So....

It's been a while since I posted, and for good reason.
This semester has been like lighting a chicken on fire and watching it run around, except for I'm the chicken, and I haven't stopped running around for weeks now.

I'm learning why some people never have children, because they are stressful, and my own life is stressful enough as it is. Having JF back in the country is nice, but it was all so stressful on both of us. I'm so ready to have an easy relationship again. Also this was not the semester to try to attempt 18 hours. I have thus far failed miserably at trying to keep up with it all, and the crap that comes along with living in your parents home. They live in their own world unlike mine entirely, and they too stress me out, probably the most.

Through the ups and the downs, I have learned one thing. Life will never stop being hard, so sitting down and hiding and waiting for it to passover with no lightning and thunder will never get you anywhere. Just do what you need to do, and PRAY it will end up OK.

It's all looking more and more up. My apartment is live able, 2nd semester is starting soon, and I have been hired on for real at Trase Miller to help with Southwest Airlines calls :)


Right now I'm planning on the most memorable and best New Years Eve EVER because my last couple have sucked. (thank you ex boyfriends)

So here's to it 2010....I'm already ready for you to be over already, and keep moving forward. BYEEEEE!!!! Let the ball drop!


20 years from now I'll kick myself for saying something like that! I will want my skin back the way it was.

OK so... headbands...

I love them... They can make anyones hair look better no matter how bad it looks. They have these big flambouyany things on them, and they are awsome. I would like to purchase more on etsy.com like this one...

or this adorable little thing for a little girl...

I'm starting to wonder if I can get away with something like this? I mean... It is so cute but am I too old? I might be, but most people like the one headband I do have like this... hmmm I think I'm gonna try it out.

Headbands for all!

finishing a book

Today I finished a book.

It's such a funny thing that happens when you finish it. You close it. look at it for a second, think about it.... and then set it down to lay there and not be read for awhile.

You get this tiny epiphany about everything in the book, and it all comes full circle and it always gives me this satisfied feeling. I absolutely love this feeling. It's the reason why people read.

I love buying books, I love reading my books, I love finishing my books.

Books make me happy and most generally... never let me down... So why do I spend time watching TV. What a mindless activity. Reading makes me feel so much better, and I still choose TV.

I don't think I want a TV in my new apt. I have one... I'm taking it to JF's apartment in Miami. He can have all of it. I don't want nor need a TV.

"Hey la Hey la... my boyfriends back"

Alot has changed since I last wrote.
JF WILL BE BACK ON SUNDAY AT 11 AM :)
I cannot wait to see his silly self :)

I am so beyond happy to have my love back into the country. He is also very excited as well. He has missed his life here, and he is also ready to start living by himself again because he has been in his parents house for almost 4 months. After living alone and away, and then being put back in your parents house.

I feel his pain. It is such a difficult think to deal with. You have your freedom and your life the way you want it with your rules, and you move home and they tear down your little piece of sanity with claws and fiery "words of wisdom"... yeah it's awful. I sometimes think I would be happier outside in a tent doing my own thing if we didn't have a driveway monitor and my parents could hear a loud beep every time I came or went.

I recently watched a movie that was really eye-opening, and life changing at the same time. The Duchess- a movie about a lady born into a time where she couldn't change the way things were just because she was a woman. She was pushed into a quiet role... but... She was as loud as she could be and did more than most woman of her time because she was a Duchess. She was forced into a situation where her husband had a mistress that lived with them, and the man she loved and secretly bore a child from was pushed away from her. Not to mention he was a major hottie.

From watching this movie I realized something. I'm never going to put myself in the position to where any man can corner me into doing what he wants to do versus what I know is right for myself. I hope my husband is ready for a fireball, because I will never be unhappy in my life for no reason. Life is too short, and I have seen my parents both so unhappy for no reason. They could have fixed it but they didn't, so I will not be in that position.

I put a picture of her on the background of my computer to always remind myself.... live your life, love who you love, and never waste your time because there will never be enough.

I'm currently helping JF with his homework. Which means I am doing it. I am going to kill him for making me help him. He isnt here, and his book is here in the states, and I had to do it or it will just be put as zeroes in the gradebook for the Frenchy... no good.

I just wish he could come back! I miss him alot.
He might be home sooner than I thought. Their tournament is ending sooner than expected. That makes me so happy!!!!

and speaking of SOOONER.... they are winning right now! 34-7! BOOMER BABY!
I really want to go to a game this year! That would be fun when JF gets back!

Oh goodness this is a short post. SHOUT OUT to Gana!!! :) Love you!

Ever have those mornings when you wake up and you don't feel like doing anything.?.

Where do those days come from.?.

I woke up this morning and could positively not do anything. It makes me wonder if I over glorify it in my head and make myself feel worse because I am just tired or lazy, or if I am more sick than I think I am and just make myself try to feel like I can get up because that is what I am supposed to do.

No matter what it is, I feel like crap today.

I don't want to do anything, it is raining and I skipped 3 of 4 classes. I'm happy about the rain because we needed it. But it is such a damper when it rains like this.

Maybe I needed a day off because I am going to be going 100% this week.

30-40 hours at work, and that includes school.

Only a couple more weeks of this.

Proud Moment

Last night someone facebook chatted me bc they needed to talk. No one else they trusted was online, and they said they felt like they could talk to me.

-That makes me feel good.

Knowing that someone I rarely talk to felt like they could turn to me for help in their moment of crisis, is one of the best feelings in the world. It makes me realize how much of a caretaker I really am. I don't want to be a nurse or doctor, but I do want to some how help people in my career path I chose.

-If all the people in North Tulsa would hear that message, maybe they would quit shooting each other. Maybe if the druggies out there would realize there is more to life than getting that high and forgetting everything and everyone who might not want to see them hurt themselves. If all the teenagers could realize they arent as cool as they think they are and love their friends and family no matter how bulletproof they were. And anyone else that is so miserable in thieir life.... would change it to take care of those around them, and know that they would be taken care of...

We could live our lives in fear of this. That makes me sick to my stomache.

I hope this picture strikes a nerve in everyone that sees it.

If every person in the world would set out to live their life... and take care of others... We would not have such horendous things going on.

There's no better time to start then right now.

mean people suck

I just had someone call me at work and he was so mean with what he said it literally made me cry.

He was so mean he made me cry.

I have never in my life cried on a customer call. I have gotten mad, and yelled at them (never bad) but I have never cried. He was so unbelievably mean. What makes people think that they can do that? Nothing about the way the world works actually says that is ok.

I wish I could just look at it as "F that guy he sucks", but I actually feel sorry for him. I think I am going to say a prayer for him and hope his day or life... whatever it is that fails him to get better. No one should be that completely unhappy to someone they don't know.

I want to go to my happy place... It looks like this.

Yup I wanna go there right now.

feeling witchy...

Sooo its getting that time of year where my mind reverts straight to halloween and football.

So Halloween wise, I'm thinking def some seriously awesome costumes this year. Since JF will back I am thinking to do some type of couples costume. Mary-Jane and Spiderman, Mario and Princess Peach, Harry Potter and Ginny are just a few of the ideas I have had :) I also want to have a big Halloween party at my new place once it is built! I think it would be the perfect place to do something like that! Out in the garage area would be great, then have a bonfire, and plenty of music and lawn chairs!

Football.... I WANNA GET STARTED!

OU football is the best time of the year! I can't wait to sit down and just watch some games. That will be complete and utter happiness for me! I would really like to get to Norman at some point to go to this amazing OU store called Rhinestones and Rubies. It is basically the most amazing place you have ever seen. It has all these amazing OU gift items such as frames and jewelry. I basically need to go there pronto! That is a picture of the inside of their OSU store. I didnt see much that I liked, BOOMER!

At least life is getting a little easier on the school side of things. I really am trying to get used to living in Claremore, but it is still kinda hard on me. I keep ending up having mountains of homework.

and the beat goes on...

I have been neglecting my blog so bad lately. I have been beyond busy trying to keep it all together. School, Work, Moving... everything.

So... update:

1. I don't live in Joplin any longer......All of my things are out of my apartment, its been cleaned, and my keys are turned in. I don't really have anything else to say about that. I wasn't prepared to move that quickly and my shit is all over my Dad's garage, but what can you do?


2. School has started........I'm getting used to it. I have already had my breakdown about it, and gotten over it. Now its just maintaining. It is going to be a long semester. 18 hours are going to kick my butt, but at least I'm willing and able to strive for the gain I will have after the semester is over. Also I get to start working out now which makes me happy :)


3. I'm working over 30 hours a week...... This is the kinda but not really hard part. I sit there. I have time to do my homework. But it's the fact that I have to be there to do it, and the actual days I work (weekends). But, the money is ballin and so worth it. A 700 dollar paycheck is so worth it.


4. They found the guy who hit and ran....The police officer caught him and now we are trying to work towards getting the money. He was 16. I felt so bad for him, but I have paid for my mistakes in the past and now he should too. I just hope justice will be completely served.


5. Dad's hand is healing .....He only has 2 more weeks left in the cast, then he can get a brace. After the brace for 2 weeks, and then he can do what he wants as long as he is smart about it. He is getting antsy I hope it is sooner rather than later.

That's basically what I am doing these days. I am staying at home, doing homework, going to work, and just missing JF like crazy. The good news is however, he starts his tourney that is the deciding factor on his return to Oklahoma on Wednesday. That is our 6 month anniversary. So in celebration, I'm thinking about going to CollegeFest in Stilly. I think it would be a blast and I would love to see my friends :)

Things are looking up. I feel very hopeful for the first time in awhile.

It's a changin world out there!

well... I start school in 40 hours.
My last year of college.
I'm kind of in shock. I never thought school would end when I was a senior in high school just a few short years ago.

This little little girl...................turned into this little girl.....................Turned in to this woman.

It is hard to be a woman. Sometimes I question if I am or not. It is something you must do with pride and unwavering faith. You have to know deep down inside you can do the unthinkable and achieve the things you don't want to. I can drive tractors, I can write poetry, I can load a dishwasher better than anyone. I sing, I dance, I laugh, I even give my parents advice sometimes. I'm trying as hard as I can to be the person I am supposed to be.

My constant stress is almost over. One more day in Joplin.
My apartment is half packed up and half in shambles. That's how I pack though. I have to sort and separate and throw away everything I don't want. It is nice knowing I only have the things I want (or can't get rid of).

I'm so ready for some change.

So life is still a little stressful, but It's getting closer to being over...

Someone at RSU put me as an out of state student. I have been jumping through hoops finding my legal documents and making copies. The school is asking for proof of residency! Are you serious? I was only gone for 11 months. I am very much an Oklahoma citizen. RSU... go screw yourself. Seriously.

I have been working alot which is nice. But also tiring. The hours are awkward so you have to try to sleep when you can. The money though... the money keeps me going. It is going to make life so much easier if I keep this up for awhile and then I get my financial aid. I won't have to work for awhile and I can focus on my school work.


18 hours is something I haven't attempted since my Fall semester in 2007. That was my hardest, but most rewarding semester of college. Oh and not to mention. It was my first semester of college.

I'm just ready to go back to school. Get back in a routine. I think it will be great to pile on the classes and get busy.

I have 4 days and then "Back to School" for me.

Having a rough couple of days.
It's like my interior person is 2 people. There is the compassion of my Mother on one side and the strength of my Father on the other. With that comes soft-heart and forgiveness from my Mother, and bridge-burning and middle fingers straight from my Dad.

I have things that are getting to the point of acceptance or disagreement. It's hard deciding if you are or are not going to be someones friend after the crap they have put you through. You remember the great times and the happy moments, but lurking in the back is the crap. It's the same about my time here in Joplin. Am I happy, sad, or indifferent about leaving?

I know what I do and do not want in my life. I'm just having a hard time sorting the pieces right now. Hate? Love? Throw away? Hold on to for dear life?

I do know what is right though. Those things are solid and I appreciate and cherish them so much. Things like the unconditional love of a dog you have had forever. She looks at me and just knows I would never do anything to harm her. My mother and father who have given me the entire world and more. We have been through some rough patches, but right now I am in better standings with my parents (all of them) than I have ever been in my life. I sometimes forget how many people love me so much. That includes my boyfriend. He loves me. He might be the man I marry... and nothing would make me happier. I have a best friend who I would not give up for the world. We met on the weirdest circumstances, but she is literally a no-brainer for me... and I love Megan Hodges to death!

Today I read an email that basically said stop worrying about everything and be happy you are alive. I feel so ungrateful when I get in these moods.

The world isn't always rainbows, but rainbows come in many forms. And mine today is to cover me from the things falling down.

start of another blog

OK... SO I am starting a new blog. I am keeping this one, and also adding another one. This one, is very special to me, because it is about something important to me. JF (my bf) and I have a very interesting story. We fight some pretty crazy odds every day with our relationship, and I don't mind taking some of my free time to write about it.

here is the link to it... I hope you enjoy!
It's baseball themed ... like our whole danged relationship.

http://commonloveofdiamonds.blogspot.com/

Busy-Quiet Weekend

I have had a busy-quiet weekend.
I will have worked 20 hours by the time today is over, but I have done nothing but work and go home and do nothing. It is nice to do nothing for the weekend considering I have been running like wild for the past couple of days. I literally went back to Joplin, and was out until after midnight every night and then went to Stilly did the same thing, and now I am in Tulsa just relaxing.

Too much "running and gunning" is no good. I'm going to end up having to drive to Joplin tonight and then turn around and drive back to Tulsa on the Thursday for work. Tulsa for work, Joplin for work, THEN SCHOOL STARTS. Then more work, and ahhhh I'm going to lose my mind, oh and I need to be moved out of my apt and all my stuff taken to Claremore before the 31st.

To add more craziness, my dad almost cut his hand off yesterday, and he is now not going to be able to finish my apartment until way later. So I will be living at the house with them. I hope that doesn't make any of us too crazy.

Somewhere in there JF will come back. I'm very happy about that because he will be able to help me out more, and... I literally can not wait to see that big Canadian.

I just want to go here... I honestly hate the sun... and the sand. But I think I would love Tahiti. I will take JF with me because it's in the middle of French Polynesia. haha.

Stress.
It's an inevitable thing in life, and I am facing a large dose right now, but I'm going to live. I'm going to get through this, and I will be better because of it.

So I now have purple hair.
Last week I got a little wild and crazy and decided to add a purple layer to the bottom of my hair. My friends Julie and Hannah did it, and they are awesome. The scariest part was when we had to wash it out so many times. I was at Hannah's house, and hanging over the bathtub was not getting the job done. I had to get into her shower and take a full shower to get the dye out of my hair.

I love it so much. It is kinda fading to a magenta color, which couldn't make me happier. I like when it peaks through over my shoulder. To make things even better, My Mema likes it. She literally said "Oh Heather I love that" hahahah. I love that lady :)



My maybe next time I will go for this look! I wish I could. That would be so much fun. The unfortunate thing is the inevitable fading that will happen. I bet her hair started out green and purple. Either way, I'm jealous of Lil Miss Gothic Rainbow Bright.

hazy daze

Today I have been in a daze. I have been yawning and daydreaming about literally nothing all day. I don't know why. I slept plenty enough, and I'm not exactly worried about anything... hmmm...


That's what my brain looks like...

Maybe I am a little bit tired, and maybe I have been out late a little too much this week. Maybe I miss the normalcy of my boyfriend being here. Maybe I miss the normalcy of having my life in one place and just visiting Tulsa. Living and working in 2 different states/cities/apt/houses/jobs... is wearing on me for the current second. Well I don't really have any other options at this point.

I'm thinking a nice Friday night in will set me back on track.
I just want JF to come back so I can put that stress out of my life... Until he has to leave again. I'm feeling a little heartbroken, and like a single person in a relationship. September come fast.

Waynerd

Tonight is the birthday of a very dear person in my life. My cousin Wayne is turning 21! I am so happy for him, and the fact we can now hang out in better locations. I am also so proud of him. With the things he has been through in his life, he should just be happy is alive. I love him to death! HAPPPYYY BIRTHHDAAYYYY CUZZZZZZZZZ!

Blame It on the...

I would like to excuse my last post. After reading that this morning it hit me, I really had posted a blog post at a party. After reading it, I realized 2 things...

1. It was more like a facebook status update, rather than a blog posting.
2. How could I ever say bad things about Cotton Candy Vodka! It's like a crazy carnival. Shame on me.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone. If for any reason you assumed I didn't drink, or didn't drink enough to get drunk. I hate to inform you, I definitely do those things. I'm 21 years old... liquor stores are amazing places to me right now. I think that's part of the glory in being my current age. It's the time when you are allowed to get away with doing things that won't be conceived as funny when you are a REAL adult.

I no way am I an alcoholic. I have none of those tendencies, and I WILL NOT drive if I am too under the weather. So be in peace with reading those words.


Alcohol to me is entertainment. Something interesting always happens. Whether it be good, bad, or ugly. You can get to know shy people, and laughter is never to far away. Needless to say we have all had our fair share of the really bad nights where everything (I mean everything) goes wrong. I appreciate the strength of alcohol and the power it has over your body after a certain point. Just like anything though, I also fear what happens when you have had too many shots on your birthday.

friend or foe... who knows. I just like it.

where I don't wanna be,,,

I'm at a party with people I don't like... This is one of the times in my life I question everyone and everything.
Thank you Cotton Candy Vodka. NOT REALLY.


I wish my boyfriend would call.

Life

It's such a precious thing to behold. A human without anything hugely wrong when birthed is still a complete miracle. While inside a woman, and being made with all the different chromosomes, cells, and everything else that goes along with it, If you are even born, you are a miracle in itself. There are so many tiny little things that could go sooo wrong.
It's something we take for granted. We fret about the small things and we stress our selves to the point of no return.

Yesterday in my neighborhood, a teenage boy was playing Russian roulette with another friend and ended up shooting himself in the head. He is on machines currently at the hospital and he is unresponsive.
13.
years old.
He was friends with my brother and my cousin, and I can't even imagine losing my boys to something like that. His parents must be going through hell right now trying to make sense of the accident/bad judgement/un-supervision. This makes me afraid to become a parent, because after your children leave your arms there is only so much you can do to shelter them from harm.

I hope somehow DeeJay can pull through the accident and lead a somewhat normal life, but I just don't know if that is possible. May God be with the family of DeeJay Burns.

Transformer II

Since my last blog about this subject matter, I have made some good positive changes.

...I have been trying to take care of my face, and it is fighting me, so that one is still in the making... but...

... I did get my brows waxed, and I'm about to cut some more off of my bangs to get the look I want.

... I have worked out slowly but surely every day since that post, and it feels good at least to try.

... As for the "tan" part, well I have spent more time outside that's for sure. Whether I get a tan or not, it is still good to be out side more often.

... Crying because JF is gone... One way to solve that is to come home and enjoy spending time with my family. I definitely do not feel alone here. I could easily wake my mom up if I needed anyone. And not to mention he has moved home to Montreal for the time being to be with his family, so he is more available to talk. I really enjoy that.

So tired... goooodnight <3

Transformer

I've recently taken on the project of transforming myself before my life changes again.

I look in the mirror sometimes and notice I'm getting older, and that I'm not taking care of myself. Anyone that reads this is now thinking in their mind, "this chick is crazy if she can see herself aging"... But the thing is I CAN. My face looks different than it used too because it is more full. I definitely do not take the time I need to, to take care of myself before bed or in the morning.

SOOOO...... I'm going to work on a positive change for myself.

1.) I'm going to get my eyebrows waxed this afternoon. :)

2.) I'm going to start sleeping more. No matter how many times I think I can't live without knowing what happens on nip/tuck's next episode, I will survive the few hour hiatus from it. And not too mention there is 6 seasons available for viewing on netflix.com.

3.)OK... the stuff that is growing on my legs... has to go. I used to have perfect legs. They were muscular and the right size... Well they are still the same size and have good shape but they are not muscular and the cellulite curse from my family has taken OVER. So... I'm getting rid of that crap. It's gotta go.

4.) Tan... ok so I'm not going to go to a tanning bed. But I am going to make a point to not be the crypt keeper and spend more time in the sun. It is good for you in more ways then one, and as much as I may try I will never be as white as Edward and will NEVER sparkle :(

5.) I have to figure out my acne situation. I'm 21. Dear Lord when does it stop? Something needs to be done.

6.) I'm gonna stop crying just because JF is gone. I am not going to die. IT REALLY SUCKS, but I will in fact live.

7.) I'm going to start wearing my bangs a little shorter. They look good like that.

.... Sushi tonight with my friends :) I can not wait!....

Tomorrow day off!

Wedding this weekend, and one week closer to School starting!

YAY.

Saturday Creativity II

I started out with 4 frames and a house full of crap. After examining the frames to determine what to do to which ones, I noticed something wrong with one of them, so I'm taking it back. (I'm my mothers child. It was 2 dollars. I do not care, I want a good frame.) OK.... So... Down to the 3 frames. One of them is being painted currently and needs several layers of white paint. The other 2 are finished. I don't know how I came up with the ideas for the 2 of them, but I sure did, and here they are...


The black frame is covered in vintage gold jewelry I found in a thrift store last summer. They were all pieces in a plastic bag for a few dollars! The colorful frame has feathers (from high school when we used them to imitate "kill the cardinals" haha), buttons, a necklace, and a pendant from a hair piece I never wear.

Sweeeeet :)

I wish I could do this as well forever. Too bad decorating frames is not a good profession... dang the luck.

Tonight has been a productive evening though. I'm very happy I stayed home on a Saturday night to do something useful. Not only did it save me money, it kinda made me money... I'm finding uses for the awesome things that just sit around my house! Now they are more than just stuff. They are creations.

Saturday Creativity

Today's blog has been an all day thinking event. I could not for the life of me think of what to put or say. I have really been enjoying reading business blogs for companies that specialize in things such as art, event planning, designing and fashion.

If I could combine all of those elements into a job... with PR work in there. THAT WOULD BE MY GOLDEN JOB.

I can feel my creative energies flowing. I want to go home (my masterful studio) and work on some stuff. I bought some cheap picture frames from dollar general and I want to decorate them! I have some pretty good inspiration for what I want to do. I'll post pictures when I finish them! I'm thinking lots of buttons, ribbon, and paint!

Have a great Saturday!

My Show? Gone? NOOO!!!

Tonight is the final episode of The Hills.
http://www.mtv.com/shows/the_hills/season_6/series.jhtml
I have watched this show Since the beginning series before it was The Hills, and now it is going to be nothing. That is saying alot from someone who doesnt even have cable. I've watched it on my laptop for years.

This is a sad day for me. It would be like Mema losing her soap operas. It would be like ALL MY CHIDREN closing it's doors forever. I'm horribly sad losing my girls of Hollywood. There is a silver lining though. The alternate show The City is still going to be airing next season, and almost all of The Hills girls have twitters :) haha.

Guess I'll have to find something else to focus my sometimes TV watching skills toward.

mi familia es muy bien

When thinking about life one thing that has always been there for me was my family.

No matter how bad or how good it has ever been we have always been there. After dealing with several issues today regarding a family it makes me proud to know that I love mine regardless of how many terrible things that have happened.

It makes me want to strive to find the perfect man to marry so I will be happy and have something to work for, for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever be worth it if you don't have to work for it. If I have the right person the first time I could save a lot of headaches in the end. I'll try my hardest.

I think moving closer to Tulsa is going to be a great thing for me.
I'm glad I went out on my own little adventure and learned alot of thinks. Shut-off notices come if you forget to pay your bills, and I'm currently the light turn off nazi of Joplin, MO.

learning something new everyday,
-Heather

starting point

Bonjour,

Recently while working and learning more about what I want to do with my life, I have discovered Public Relations, Marketting, and Social Media are right up my alley. One thing that has become a recent trend in all of those things are blogs. I personally love blogs. I read them quite often, and find them very useful and appealing.

In knowing all of that I have decided to start my own blog. It isn't going to be promoting anything, just a lace for my thoughts and a way to keep me practiced for my future career and I think I personally will enjoy it quite a bit.

So... follow me through my adventure called life.

Hear some of my wacky thoughts...

Laugh a little...

and dear goodness... most of all...

love yourself. <3

Heather