It's like my interior person is 2 people. There is the compassion of my Mother on one side and the strength of my Father on the other. With that comes soft-heart and forgiveness from my Mother, and bridge-burning and middle fingers straight from my Dad.
I have things that are getting to the point of acceptance or disagreement. It's hard deciding if you are or are not going to be someones friend after the crap they have put you through. You remember the great times and the happy moments, but lurking in the back is the crap. It's the same about my time here in Joplin. Am I happy, sad, or indifferent about leaving?
I know what I do and do not want in my life. I'm just having a hard time sorting the pieces right now. Hate? Love? Throw away? Hold on to for dear life?
I do know what is right though. Those things are solid and I appreciate and cherish them so much. Things like the unconditional love of a dog you have had forever. She looks at me and just knows I would never do anything to harm her. My mother and father who have given me the entire world and more. We have been through some rough patches, but right now I am in better standings with my parents (all of them) than I have ever been in my life. I sometimes forget how many people love me so much. That includes my boyfriend. He loves me. He might be the man I marry... and nothing would make me happier. I have a best friend who I would not give up for the world. We met on the weirdest circumstances, but she is literally a no-brainer for me... and I love Megan Hodges to death!
Today I read an email that basically said stop worrying about everything and be happy you are alive. I feel so ungrateful when I get in these moods.
The world isn't always rainbows, but rainbows come in many forms. And mine today is to cover me from the things falling down.
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